I got a kink in my neck at church yesterday.

What would you guess caused it?

It was a red scarf.

Apparently this scarf needed a seat. On our pew there were five in my group, plus this lady, her husband, and a red scarf. (total of eight if you count the scarf). My five, (which included a 6’9″ 275 pound 17 year old Serbian boy, who takes up a seat and a half), used about two-thirds of the row. The lady, her husband, and the red scarf took up a solid third.

When we started to sit, the lady appeared annoyed that we wanted to sit there. I was kind of annoyed that I wanted to sit there too. My wife told me to lead us to a seat, so I walked one way (honestly feeling like a man, since my wife was willing to follow me), but I got about ten feet to my right and looked back and my family was walking up the middle of the church toward the front. So, I changed my mind about where I wanted to lead our family, and decided to sit by the red scarf. My indecision is frustrating to me. Why didn’t I realize where I wanted to sit before my wife had to show me?

At one point I thought the lady was going to move the scarf because she saw that I was contorting my body. But she simply adjusted it a little and looked at me askew with what appeared to me to be a look of disdain. Maybe I was reading into it. But the whole thing confused me. Do scarves require a seat? Why is this lady treating me with contempt? Is there something sacred about red scarves on the last Sunday of the year?

Also, I genuinely like people and treat them well. I tend to get kindness in return. Kids like me, peers like me, ladies love me, girls adore me, I mean, even the ones who never saw me like the way that I rhyme at a show , the reason why man, I don’t know.

If I just lost you, my apologies, those were some lyrics from Rob Base. If you don’t know him, don’t worry about it. He’s not internationally known, but he is known to rock the microphone. Stay away from him if you’re contagious. And for Heaven’s sake, whatever you do, do not give him a Big Mac. And do not sit next to a lady’s scarf in church. Lesson learned.